manorexic 2011

EPL- INFORMATION FOR YOUR BUILDING SOUL

Manorexic

I entered my favorite coffee shop through the back door, with a spacier than usual presence. I decided emotion was vastly over rated , at 41, I didn't pretend emotion was none existent but I now decided where I wanted to use it. Like an exclamation  point, what did I choose to emphasize? Right now, I knew this new found skill would be the winning factor, if I could keep it up, if I could be consistent.

 I met many great men here, bonded, offered my point of view and took advice that burned my very heart and soul for a month after utilizing it, telling me that maybe my schizophrenic son needed a break from me, a long one, maybe a forever one, at least the unhealthy light in which it was displayed not to long ago. Through this I realized I was a martyr, I began to check my emotions at the door, and selectively make decision. 

 Al pacinos speach on winning from any given Sunday came to mind far to often, when my emotion ruled me, what I expected, what I was doing here was going to demand my all, I realized, from a none dramatic standpoint, that if I died doing this, persuing this goal of being the leanested most perfected physique, top to bottom, I did not mind dying if it meant just getting at least 3videos in the process.

 At present, I have been utilizing gluconeogenisis since before I fully knew it's meaning, later autophagy and ketosis, along with steroidogenisi, insulin control, pituitary secretion, aromatize inhibition and several other terms, would become the language I thought in...like Clint eastward in firefox thinking Russian, you must own it in the mind first. 

 Juice and java was an institution to me, I dreamt of this coffee shop when I lived outside the area, it was my safe hub from a metaphysical sense for almost 20 years. More recently it would become my home. As a homeless person, in the town I grew up in, it was the place I would lounge and spend 6 hours a day average, where else would I go. I slept at a near by school field, awoken by pets, dogs, often times large ones, trying to impress their masters and more so to let evolution know they were not the abomination of 100 thousand years of mutated dingos and wolves. I had compassion for the dogs plight, but to be abruptly jared awake at 530 am and sometime late night poop walks by owners, i could have used at least 3 more hours sleep every night.

 I don't speak of my homelessness often, really not at all, it's not shame but a lack of having a place to insert it in American conversation? I don't talk often of waiting for hours for food banks to give me my groceries for the next three days, how hard it was to block out want when I wouldnt see a dime for one to two months smetimes, no joke. This was the education I lacked, I thought it wax the learned outdated information supplied Ina masters or phd program that mDe me feel incomplete but now I know it was the definiteness of k owing with everyfiber of my physical body, that I am just a man, with all the irony that being human brings to a man, when mind state met universal reality, from here there was nothing I could not achieve next to any man.